Wednesday, Oct. 09, 2002 - 2:50 P.M.
I'm exhausted and my eyes hurt. They hurt in way that suggests staring aimlessly at a computer screen for 6 hours each day is probably not a good idea. As I type these words, Lee is somewhere in London kicking around a football with some work mates and his best friend. How I wish I were leaving here in an hour and a half to go meet him instead of just heading home alone. :::sigh:::
My head is buzzing with thoughts and questions. What am I doing? What do I want to be doing? Where am I going? Etc. I think these queries are being sparked by my upcoming trip to visit my parents. I know that come Saturday I'll be expected to answer a lot of questions and I want to be prepared. I want to remain poised and assertive during the course of our "discussions." I want to present myself in a way that will make them take me seriously as an adult. In reality I’m scared shitless that things will become heated and that I won’t be able to do any of those things.
I’ve been thinkingthinkingthinking, all day long. Tonight I will make lists of things I want them to understand, of points I intend to make. It may all seem quite unnecessary, but I don’t think it is. I need this weekend to go as smoothly as possible and I need to come away from it knowing that I’ve been heard. All these ideas whirling through my head are making me so tired. Blergh.
All I want to do is curl up beneath my desk with a blanket and take a little nap. Unfortunately that kind of thing is generally frowned upon at my place of employment. Thank Jebers today isn't all worry and longing. My hair looks cute, and I fit into a shirt I haven’t been able wear for months. I think I’ll go make some tea. Although, I could use a strong chocolate martini like you wouldn’t believe.
