Thursday, Dec. 12, 2002 - 10:47 P.M.

I had an interesting moment this evening. My Mother called me and told me that if I wanted to, I should invite some of my friends from high school over for dinner on the 28th which is my birthday. At first I thought that was a fantastic idea, then I realized that although I speak with a few of them, they no longer speak with one another. It would just be way too awkward at this point and that makes me really, really sad. I told my Mom that I'd rather invite my friend Kate down. Unfortunately it turns out that Kate is going to be in Arizona until the 29th.

This all means that I'm going to be spending my birthday with the pugs and my Mother sitting at home and drinking wine. I'm enough of a homebody so that it doesn't really upset me that much. However, since I arrive in London on the morning of January 28th, I'm thinking about putting my birthday off for a month. It's my birthday so I figure I should be able to celebrate it as I like and if I choose to do so a month late then that's my perogative, right? Good, I'm glad you agree with me.

This afternoon didn't turn out nearly as horribly as I thought it would. JT turned up afterall and I was able to go to the mall afterall! Woo Hoo! I bought some gifts for . . . well, all for Lee, actually. I also ran some errands at CVS and mailed out my Christmas cards. It was a very productive afternoon indeed. The only depressing bit was that when I pulled out of the mall carpark at 4:30 it was already dark!! That has to be the one thing I hate about Winter. I know that everybody is effected by it, but I wouldn't be surprised if I have a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder. It was SO depressing!!!

Tonight I wrapped presents, talked to my mother as well as Lee, and just lounged about. It was very nice indeed. I was kind of blue earlier though because I really miss Lee. I realize that it's on 45 DAYS now until I land at Heathrow, but it doesn't necessarily make it any easier. The holiday season, as much as I love it, can be tough for me and I kind of wish that he were here to cuddle me when necessary. Also, the magic moments would be made just *that* much more special by his presence. *sigh* It has to be said that I'm going to be so fucking happy when all this waiting is over.

For now I'm off to bed where I shall reamain fast asleep until I receive a wake-up phone call around 8:00am from Lee. I can't wait until waking up to Lee means rolling over and kissing him instead of pressing a cold plastic phone to my ear and uttering a sleepy, "Hello." For now though, I'll gladly take what I can get.

ps - Not many people know this because I don't talk about religion - um, ever - but I was raised Catholic. In fact, I attended The Academy of St. Joseph back in the day when I was a good *cough cough* Catholic girl. That said, all this bullshit with the church in Boston is fucking ridiculous and only enforces a lot of the problems that I have with Catholicism and organized religion and celibacy, and ARGH! I can't even ariculate my thoughts on the subject matter because it infuriates me. Maybe sometime in another entry. For now I just feel really, really sorry for all those that suffered abuse at the hands of someone they trusted. What a horrible position to be in.

~ Erica Nicole Veronica (confirmation name) B.

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