Thursday, Dec. 19, 2002 - 8:33 P.M.
I just returned from an evening at Nancy's place. She, myself, Adam, and Kelly, had what Adam called, our "Urban Family Chirstmas Dinner." It was really lovely and realxing. Nan and Kelly have decorated the place beautifully, and there was Christmas music on the stereo. We ate a delicious noodley casserole thing that N had made, and had truffles (I only had one considering I'm on the WW tip) for dessert. After eating, we headed down to the new bar in their neighborhood, "Tonic". We only lasted for one because we were all pretty beat. Thankfully, we managed to catch the train back to N and K's. Hurray for trains and pushy drunks named Kelly! ;)
Although it was a really fun evening, it was also a bit sad. When I first arrived at theirs, they sat me down for a thorough Q and A about my move. Both N and K studied in England (K in York, and N in Brighton) during our Junior year in college, so they were particularly interested. Once at Tonic, Adam and I moved to the bar for a smoke. While there he confessed that he's sad I'm leaving and that, although he didn't want to get melodramatic about it, (he's gay, so melodrama is par for the course) he's truly going to miss me. He said that all of his memories of first moving to Boston and getting settled, of finding his self in the adult world, are tied to me.
Later, while on the train, Nan looked at me, got misty-eyed and said, "What am I going to do without you?" Since we work in the same building, I assumed she meant it in that respect. When I responded as such she said, "No, not at work. In general." I told her that we had to save that one for another day because it was too much to get into on a late night T ride. We had a last cigarette outside their apartment during which we discussed Nan's sex life and the fact that Adam's mother doesn't know what "reefer" means, before he and I set out for our cars.
As I said my goodbyes and started to drive home, I felt a little down. Although there aren't many things I will miss about Boston, I will definitely miss the people I got to spend time with tonight. I mean, I first met Adam on New Year's Eve 1998-1999, and I've known Nancy since High School. Some serious time has been invested in these friendships; the memories are many. Driving home I passed by the restaurant where Lee and I shared our anniversary dinner just about one month ago. At that moment my mood changed, a huge smile broke out accross my face. I was no longer sad because it all became so clear.
Although I am going to miss my friends dearly, I'll see them again. There's always email, regular mail, and the ocassional telephone call. Plus, Nan's family live just minutes from my own. The point is, that right now, in order to ensure my happiness, I need to be closer to Lee. This is what I want. Although we've done an impressive job of keeping in touch and sending each other little care packages, there's no substitution for being with the person you love. Long distance relationships are hard and I'm tired of feeling like my life is on hold. I miss him daily, hourly even, and there have been many nights where I tossed in bed longing to be next to him.
It's for this reason that I don't doubt or question my decision to move to London. In fact, I'm so excited that sometimes I feel like I am going to burst. That said, it will be hard to say goodbye. I've never been good at farewells; I hate leaving people I love, and being left. The thought of it is enough to make me a little teary-eyed. In this situation though, it's the "Hello" I'll be able to say, that really matters.
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